12.03.2012

The night which I feel full of disappointed after I reach home. 10.30 pm, I was on my way going home, bring a big smile face and try to have a nice chitchat with my family,but unfortunately it's hurting me as deep as ocean not because of what but it's because of my relation with my family getting far and far ! I never mean and want to hurt each of them but yet I'm lost control and what I've said all was hurting each others. Yes, I did to hurt them but lastly I'm the one who drop the tears without any reasons. I feel hated and really get a big depression in my life. I was thinking, why there is always the argument without any reasons and yet it's totally hurt me deeply ?! I feel damn angry and I really need to release my temper, fully energy and punch the wall so, it's the time for me to take a sit and take a rest . I don't feel the pain but I feel the hurt in my heart. Mum, I just need your little attention, hard? Sis, I just need your heart, to know me deeply. Sometimes, this problem make me run away from facing it in my life. Yeah, that's right how my teacher say I need to learn to be more brave, independent and move on. I need some courageous to move on. A little attention can make me happy but look like I had failed ! I always having a nightmare for myself as how I'm always alone! I was like " Fine " ! I look far forward ! I look for my future ! I look for my daily life. There is always a question on my mind, that is " Why am I having this kind of life ? Can I make it more better or I'm the one make it worst ? " My heart totally broken into a pieces and I'll never can fix it back to the normal! I couldn't believe that I really hurt myself not because of sad but because of disappointed! I was making a wrong decision which to stay here for not my place. Everyday I told people that I'm having a better life which I told a big lies so that no one know about my background story. My mum and siblings was the best for me but I guess I need a space to let go all the pain in my heart ! Every night, I look at the moon and star just to tell them, I need some attention. A little bit is enough! Now, I finally know why a lots of teenager choose to study outstation just because of family problem and only this can make them realize how lonely they are when without one of they child at home to accompany them as well. I need a little bit time to make my final decision ! I just hope you can show me some love and care ~ a short story about my breaking night ever ~ !